Next, change

I have often noticed that before I realise that I am actually comfortable where I am, I am staring at the face of change. Change in my opinions, my situation, my thought process, people who surround me - well basically almost everything!

What then does not change? What doesn't change is that I find that I manage to adapt! Sometimes I take just a split second to adapt whereas sometimes I take forever - because some changes are welcome, some expected, some exciting, some pleasant, some awaited - in short changes that make me happy where as some others are uncomfortable, sad, rude, disappointing - in short changes that I would rather not have in my life.

As they say, because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are :) As the days go by, and as we realise that change is inevitable, it definitely feels good if the number of people whom we value and love and vice versa only increases.

My sprirt of life

Life, is a journey. A journey where you can see all the colours you once did not know existed. A journey where you feel a plethora emotions. A journey that teaches you a million lessons. A journey which in a flash puts you on top of the world and suddenly out of the blue gets you crashing down. A journey where you meet some people who make you realise that life is all about. A journey, that is unforgettable.

I believe in living like there is no tomorrow. Feeling the present, forgetting about the past and not anticipating what will happen tomorrow. The pursuit of the strength to get up after falling, smile after crying, and pray after not believing. Giving, caring, sharing, loving, forgiving. Learning at every step. Becoming a better person.

Because, life is one rocking-topsy-turvy journey and you never know what will happen next and when you are going to reach your destination.

Honk-honk!

No-no-no! Damn! I curse under my breath just as the green turns yellow. I see the local policewala resting one hand on his pulsar and the other stroking his potbelly affectionately, looking at me with anticipation, hoping to catch me for jumping the red. I am in no mood to contribute my hard earned money towards his fund-raising for his plan to spend some time getting drunk tonight and so just decide to wait and switch off my engine. As I look around, I frown thinking of how Bangalore has come up with signals at almost every circle, including the one square-foot one near the baju wala bakery! How I miss the wide roads of Bangalore that were free of the ever increasing metro blocks and these irritating signals.... Its then that I hear the "HONK! H-O-N-K! HH-OO-NN-KK!" coming from behind me. I look at the signal. Still red. To kyun honk kar raha hai? I turn and find a fiery red Accent behind me. An arrogant guy with"I-am-in-a-hurry, don't you see times my money" written all over his face is the desperate driver. I look at him and point to the signal. I can see him frown. Arey mujhe bhi to jaldi hai! But because namma sarkara has decided to come up with all these signals, we have no choice but to respect them, correct? (Unless of course we want the "love letters" from the thana delivered home). The Accent guy honks some more. I impatiently tap my foot and ignore him. Finally he stops.

5-4-3... As I switch on my engine, the despo behind me begins honking again. Arey uncleji, just as I saw the yellow turn red, I can also see the red turn green. I know I have to move. Why the hell do you have to honk? As I move to the left, the Accent guy races ahead like a madman, honking his way through. I hardly move 10 meters ahead and I reach the next signal. Our man is again stuck at the signal, this time ahead of me. There is a black Skoda between us. Just as I begin to admire the Skoda, the Skoda guy honks loudly at the Accent guy. Guess what? The Accent guy now looks out of his window and points to the red signal!

"Do unto others, as you would have them do to you" ;-)

Why?

I wonder why...


Sometimes I feel people are much nicer to me than I deserve and yet at other times feel the whole world is conspiring against me.

Sometimes life is so rosy that it feels like it cannot get better and sometimes it feels like everything that can go wrong has...

I get mad at the people I love, hurt them, and end up feeling miserable.

Though I know that screaming out my frustration does not help in anyway, I don't stop myself.

I give some people everything I can and still don't see them happy but sometimes I don't do a thing and still see them attribute their happiness to me.

I fight with myself to decide between what is right and what is not.

Decisions usually involve my happiness on one side and another person's, who is close to my heart, on the other.

I miss some people, to whom I don't mean a thing.

I take the people who care, for granted.

Sometimes everything that seems so right, so good, actually turns out to be as bad for me as it can get.

I do not learn from my mistakes.

Sometimes I laugh till I cry and at other times cry till I forget how to laugh.

I want to help, right my wrongs but never know how to and give up only to start the cycle again.

I decide to focus on one thing and try to concentrate only on it but a thousand random thoughts come flooding into my head.

I more often than not send out wrong signals to people. The people my signals were never aimed at end up catching them.

.... I wonder why my world is full of such questions -- I ask myself, realise I cannot answer them, decide not to think about them, but always end up pondering over them :)

A world that revolves around pretense

A certain person once told me "I don't think it is possible for you to hate anyone. Is there even one person you really, really, hate from the bottom of your heart?" I laugh smugly to myself now as I ask myself this question and find the answer. It took a long long time, but finally, the fact that I can pretend to the whole damn world, but I cannot pretend to myself, has sunk in.

There was a time when I did not know what the word "pretense" meant. But today, I guess I want to pretend I don't know what it means because this is a world that revolves around pretense.